I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
