i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
