brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
