Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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