I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
