yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
