you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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