Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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