Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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