what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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