apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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