it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
