Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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