You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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