You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
