I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
