im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
