please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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