This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
