You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Actions speak louder than pants.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
