absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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