Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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