I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize