Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
