I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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