Having a random hookup so left but love u
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
