He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
