Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
