he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
