I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
