So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
