just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize