laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
