dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
