do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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