Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
