people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Even my vagina gasped.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sext me about skeletons
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
