I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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