WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
