I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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