I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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