I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
