Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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