Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
