I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
