I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Floor bacon is actually really good
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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