I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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