I need help removing her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
