Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
