Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
barbara walters just said penis...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
